Why I'm Thankful

As November draws to a close, Americans set aside the last Thursday of the month to celebrate Thanksgiving, a day dedicated to eating, shopping, football, and maybe, just maybe, being thankful for the blessings in one's life.

What do we have to be thankful for? Typically, we give thanks for the blessings in our life. The pay raises we received, the good news the doctor delivered, finding the remote control, things of that nature. But who is to say that we should only be thankful for the positive outcomes in our life?

I believe each person is the product of every decision they've made and situation they've encountered, be them good or bad. They all add up, like puzzle pieces, to create the image of who we are.

As humans, we learn lessons from our mistakes. We grow stronger from the hardships that we endure. So, shouldn't we celebrate and be thankful for these moments as well?

This year, I want to express my gratitude for the people who have had an impact on my life, both positive and negative, as each and every one of them has had an impact on my becoming the man I am today.

My parents. You raised me. You taught me to be a better person and to stand up for what I think is right. You worked hard to provide for me. You taught me to fend for myself, but also not to feel ashamed if I need to ask for help. You taught me to work hard and take pride in whatever I do, no matter how small or insignificant it may seem. You've always believed in me, even when I couldn't believe in myself. Even when I go down a different path than you would chose for me, you've always been proud of me and supported me. Thank you.

My grandma. You're not with us anymore, but you played just as big a role in raising me as my parents. You always provided a place for us to stay after school or over the summer. We were always welcome in your home. You taught us to be thankful and to have faith, no matter how rough life got. You always gave for us, even when you couldn't afford to give anymore. There's not a day that goes by that I don't miss you. Thank you.

My brother Charles. You were perhaps my first friend. Growing up, I looked up to you, as is typical of a younger brother. Though we fought like any sibling, you always had my back when it came to the rest of the world. When it came time to move away from home, you welcomed me into your house and have since offered the same hospitality when I needed a place to stay. Thank you.

My sister Casey. Sure, we may not have gotten along much growing up, but when we were little, you were my voice when I couldn't speak. Now that we're older and I have my own voice, you still find ways to show that you care, which I will always appreciate. Thank you.

My brother Jacob. I've watched you grow up and helped take care of and raise you. When you were little, you idolized me and in many ways, we were best friends. You gave my life purpose where I could never find any before. Thank you.

My cousin Trey. You've been the relative I've probably spent the most time with outside of my parents. We share a lot of interests, and you are always interested in hanging out with no preference on what we do. Thank you.

My cousin Rachel. You used to take care of us when we were growing up. We haven't hung out a lot in recent times, but we share a similar mindset. You've shown a willingness to talk with me and offer advice when I'm troubled, for which I will always be appreciative. Thank you.

My friend Aimée. You were probably the first real friend I ever had. You taught me that I don't have to be content with people using me and abusing me just for the sake of having a friend. You encouraged me to try new things and to broaden my horizons. When I had my blood pressure scare, you supported me and helped me cope with the changes I had to make in my life. We may not always agree on things, but you will always be my friend. Thank you.

My friends Stacie and Rob. Though we've only recently started hanging out, I feel like you guys have been a part of my life for years. You understand how my mind works and have been tremendous help in me figuring out how to interact with the rest of the world. You've always shown a willingness to listen to my life story and share in my ups and downs. You helped me continue to seek out new experiences and have helped me come out of my shell more than I would have thought possible. Because of you, I don't feel quite so alone anymore. Thank you.

My friend Cliff. You reached out to me to become my friend. Though we don't always see eye-to-eye on things, you encourage me to continue growing as a person and to not let the negative things in my life get me down. Thank you.

My coworkers Richie, Rocky, and Margie. You taught me that work doesn't have to be serious and that we can have fun while still being productive. Though we don't hang out outside the office and though we may not always get along, I still consider you friends. Thank you.

Scott and Joe. Though we aren't friends now, you helped me get through a tough time at work, when they had us rotating shifts and I suddenly found myself cut off from my normal social circle. Hanging out with you guys opened the door for me to meet new people and establish more lasting friendships. The way you treated me taught me to be more conscientious of my actions and how others might perceive them. Thank you.

And those are just a few of the people who have played a role in my life. I could fill this post with the names of other family, friends, coworkers, loved ones, and people that have touched my life and guided my path to where I am now. I appreciate them all and thank them all for their mark on my life.

But I think that's enough self-reflection on my part. I welcome you all to take a moment from your day to reflect on the people who have steered your paths and touched your lives.

Then resume bludgeoning your neighbor to death for that last HD TV at the door buster sale at Walmart.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Man in the Box

As a self-diagnosed introvert, I've never really found it comfortable or easy to interact with other people (as we've discussed a time or two). Growing up, it didn't seem so hard, as I don't really recall having problems talking to other people, though I never really had a lot of friends. But the older I've gotten, the more difficult it has gotten to just have a normal conversation with people. As you could imagine, this makes it hard to make new friends, or go on dates, or even something as simple as making idle conversation with the cashier at the grocery store.

I don't know what the problem is and it's hard to describe. It's like there's a barrier separating me from the rest of the world, like I'm trapped in a box.

I can see what's going on around me. I can interact with other people. There's just something between us that keeps me from really understanding them and vice versa. So, rather than talk, I mostly observe and listen. It happens all the time, be it when I'm sitting at work, listening to my coworkers talk about a TV show they watched recently, or when I visit family and listen to them talk about work, and home, and life in general.

It makes for awkward social encounters. People can tell that I am not behaving like everyone else, as if they can actually see the box that I'm sitting in. Think about this: the average person is walking down the street and sees a man sitting in a box. Do they ask him why he's sitting in the box or do they look straight ahead and walk past him? Most people would just keep walking. I'm not sure which is worse, the ones who walk past, or the ones who try to help.

In the past, I've had people try to help me by forcing me to be social. I'm not opposed to meeting new people. In fact, it's something I really want to do. It's just the approaches aren't always suited towards my rather fragile mindset. Once, a friend invited me along with him on a road trip to the mountains, where we'd be going to a Renaissance Fair. I've never been to one before, so I was interested in the idea. Of course, then he described the travel arrangements to me. We'd set off a good three or four days before the fair, making stops along the way to the homes of a bunch of his other friends, making use of their hospitality for our overnight accommodations. This bothered me for a few reasons.

First of all, I felt like I'd be asking perfect strangers to let me stay on their couch for the night. I'm not comfortable asking my closest family and friends for help or favors, so asking acquaintances, friend-of-a-friends and people I've never met fall deep within the "Brian's not comfortable" territory.

Second, the only thing I'd have in common with all of the people we'd be surrounded with is our one mutual friend. And since the whole point of the trip was for him to get reacquainted with all these familiar faces from his past, I felt like I'd more or less spend the entire trip listening to a bunch of people reminisce about stories that I had no context for, which lands me back in the outsider territory where I'm just watching other people interact and have fun.

Still, it was nice to be invited along, but I politely declined the offer. And a lot of the other social gatherings I've been invited to over the years have more or less played out the same way. Someone with their heart in the right place invites me along to an event without really thinking how I might take it, because they can't really see the way I see the world. Again, it's a nice gesture, and one that I appreciate, but it feels like throwing me into the deep end of the swimming pool and telling me that I'll figure out how to swim.

That's why I've been thankful for the friends I've found over the past year. They're people who can appreciate and understand my mindset, my social anxiety, and where I'm coming from. Maybe they've encountered people like me before, or maybe they've spent time trapped in their own box. Whatever the case, they've been far more patient and understanding when it comes to easing me into new social settings than other people I've known. When the typical response is to try to upend the box and dump me out, its far more comforting to have people who don't treat you like there's something wrong with you and just treat you like a friend.

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